Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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