I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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