so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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