At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
