So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
