found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
