What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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