how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This baby is an asshole
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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