Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
