New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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