Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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