Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
