I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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