first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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