He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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