if you like me you must not know who I am
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I pour the whiskey from now on
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
