an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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