none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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