actually, I'm a sock model
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
