I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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