my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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