Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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