I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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