I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
