this is something i pride myself on being below average for
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
