She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
