sarcasm needs its own font
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
