i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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