I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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