She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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