I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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