saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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