Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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