Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tell your sister to shave her snatch
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
