i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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