I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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