i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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