So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
