it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
