another moral hangover. fuck.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
