My first STD was from a foam party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
