She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
