I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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