so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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