Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
