I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
