Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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