she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my shit smells like andre
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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