Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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