Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
