But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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