These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
