Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
