Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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