so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
