There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
