bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
