This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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