you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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