Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
