After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
