I'm so fucking centered right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
