what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
