I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
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