I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
