I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
