God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
