I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
