I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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