no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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