i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
