so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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