One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
