Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
