so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
