There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
